I enjoyed the time alone - however it also gives me time for my brain to wonder - which at times isn't good. I begin to think of what the future does and doesn't hold for our son. However I also had time to ponder the road that he has already traveled.
I remember when he was a baby and he would lay on his back - and just lay there- I would put a toy in front of him and he wouldn't even grab at it - I remember getting very frustrated and yelling - just grab the "#%&^*" toy - and luckily today he will in fact grab a toy - as long as it is in front of him - he still is unable to grab or reach for a toy that is out of his reach - eye site might be the reason.
I then think of his sitting ability- I remember placing him in the sitting position - when he was a baby - and he would just lean forward and then roll to the side (like a limp noodle) - I again began to get frustrated - and asking - why are you unable to sit - just sit up - it isn't that hard - but it was a hard task for him - and then just one day - he began to sit - I think this occurred when he was around 1 years of age.
I then think about rolling over - we would lay him on his belly -with his face laying towards the ground - and I would say - why don't you roll over - who would want to be in that position - it took him a long time to get the upper arm strength - to allow him to push himself off of his belly. He is now able to roll over from belly to back - but still not the other direction. I am uncertain at what age this occurred at. (I never updated his baby book with his advancements - it would often get me depressed knowing how off schedule he was to the "typical" child.)
I then think of him getting his belly off of the floor into 4 point. I think he developed this skill while doing his first oxygen dives - he was around 2 years old. He would go up and then go right back down- and currently at the age of 2 3/4 - he stays up for quite sometime - still not crawling - but the strength is there. (he has begun to move one knee an inch forward which is a huge step)
I then think of him taking steps - he still isn't doing this alone - but will do it if you hold onto his middle half or his hands. I think this also developed last summer (when he was around 2) - around the same time when we were doing his first 40 oxygen dives and MEDEK therapy in NJ - I still can not get these words out of my mind - which was told to us via an on-call neuro doctor when Brextin was only 4 months old - "your son's brain waves are so slow that he will not walk or talk" When I see him lift his foot and move it forward - gives me hope that he will walk - it just is unknown as to when.
I then think of him making sounds. He has always been a chatty child - however we did lose some of that along with his fun giggle while he was first dx with Infantile Spasms. (this is the only regression we saw - along with eating by mouth) He still is unable to talk - but is beginning to make a couple new sounds. We still have not gotten his giggle back - but he is beginning to smile a lot more than usual (This started once we weaned him off of topamax)
I then think of standing. He still is unable to do this unassisted - but he is moving forward. When he was around 2 1/2 he began to stand up while leaning up against a couch. However he will tip right over if you were not near him (he still doesn't have the relax to put his arms out to catch himself from falling) - However today he is beginning to stand while holding onto a toy walker or even his crib - we do have to place him in this position - but he stays for about 5 to 10 minutes he is even daring and wanting to bounce while standing and holding on.
Then I think of his vomiting issue - this is the biggest improvement - our little guy would throw up - non-stop and we were told it was a brain issue and whenever the brain healed the vomiting would stop. However the doctor at the oxygen center - suggested we take him off of dairy products and that was our miracle solution. Even the GI doctor or dietitians or his neuro at Mayo never suggested this. (his vomiting lasted for a little over one year) He will now vomit occasionally after having a seizure - but it was not uncommon to have him vomit 5 to 6 times a day when he was a baby- and boy does our carpet show it - often it just came up - with no warning. I can not express how grateful we were to see this end.
So as I look back our son sure has traveled a long road and has made significant progress - I sure am very proud of his determination - and can only hope for seizure control and further developmental improvements. I never give up on hope, prayer, love, and faith for our little guy - which we call little muscles!!